Not My Throne
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: So! Westeros! My purpose here is simple, mundane even, compared to most. I don't want to rule. I don't seek to conquer. I don't desire fame. To quote an old friend...I want to play a game. I want chaos. I want laughter. I want disaster. I want to ride a DRAGON! After all, its Not My Throne! Not Going Home Series! Narutoxharem? Written as a request. Not terribly serious. Enjoy!
1. Off With His Head

**A/N:** **Alright!**

 **I'm pleased to deliver good news! My sister is home safely and she seems to be doing alright. Her Catscan (not familiar with the terminology) came back clean, and she's up and talking. Rather loudly at that, thank goodness, haha! She's also starving, which is a good sign considering how small she is. Can't say how much of a relief it is to have her back safe. There doesn't appear to be any lasting damage aside from her being tired. Furthermore, she's speaking properly, and eating normally as well. What's scary is that we don't know what caused it in the first place. There's no sign of whatever caused it so I think I can tentatively say she's alright for now.**

 **Thank you for all the wonderful support!**

 **Now, ladies and gentlemen!**

 **I!**

 **AM!**

 **BACK!**

 **HUZZAH!**

 **LONG LIVE THE REQUEST YEARS!**

 **Also, Wormrepo, not cool bro, coming me like that and then blocking me, but you're entitled to your opinion.**

 **As ever, I live to write stories for you guys and gals, so by popular request, hear we are, one last time! My penultimate new story for the year! After that, its time to crack down and finish all my other works. To make certain, I've actually brought in some help! That's right, I'm working with several co-writers now to finally get this done! And we're making rather good progress at that, I'm pleased to say!**

 **If you or anyone you know wants to help contribute, feel free to ask!**

 **On another note, this story tends more to the humorous side of Game of Thrones. In other words it involves trolling, certain characters getting their just deserts, and all manner of silliness and chaos in general. If you favor something more serious, I'd recommend Son of the Stag. If you want to have a good laugh and watch assholes get what's coming to them, then by please, by all means, stick around! I don't promise a happy ending, but I do promise an entertaining one! You can quote me on that!**

 **You're in for a silly, romping good time.**

 **Wish me luck!**

 **Also, people are telling me I should get a or pat reon or somesuch. Thoughts?**

 **PREPARE TO LAUGH.**

 **Now then, off we go!**

 **On another note, this one's going to be shorter than most, only a few chapters.**

 **Still, if you enjoy chaos and humor as well as a bit of madness besides, this story is for you!**

 **Furthermore, Son of the Stag is next on the update list and the chapter's shaping up rather nicely!**

 _"Really? Did you HONESTLY think I was going to play fair?"_

 _"Braggart! How dare you! Y-You have no honor!"_

 _"No. I don't. Honor gets you killed. Now..._

 _"You wouldn't bloody dare!"_

 _"Wouldn't I?"_

 _~?_

 **A Hopeless Prayer**

 _So!_

 _Westeros!_

 _To quote an old friend of mine, you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Seven Deadly Sins, much? The land embodies all this and then some. I could use more colorful words but I believe you get my meaning. A land of swords and magic, once teeming with dragons, but no longer. If there are gods left here, they've either forsaken their subjects or they simply no longer exist._ I _don't care much for their subjects, frankly. Most of them are arrogant and cruel, good souls few and far between. Doesn't matter. I'm not here to battle deities. Not in this universe. My purpose here is simple, mundane, even. To quote a certain man..._

 _...I want to play a game._

 _That's right; I want to fuck Westeros._

 _Not the land._

 _Not the people._

 _I'm talking about the WORLD._

 _I don't want to rule over them; anymore than a man wants to rule a city filled with roaches. I want to get inside their heads and mess with their minds until they can't tell up from down, nor North from South. I want the the cruel to cower. The vicious bastards to jump at every shadow. The master manipulators to fear every thought as if where no longer their own. I want chaos. I want laughter. I want disaster. Believe me, I've read and seen enough to know what I'm getting myself into here. I know the fiends from the everyday folk, but when this is over, they're like to fear me as well. And ya know what?_

 _That's alright._

 _Now I know what you're thinking._

 _Naruto, how is this a fair game? How can mortal possibly best a deity? Do you intend to just run roughshod over this world? The answers are in that order; of course its fair, rather easily at that, and ABSOLUTELY NOT. Its no fun without a challenge. Unlike a certain elf I knew, I'm not interested in domination. Aye, I'm looking at you, C_ _elebrimbor! What I AM interested in however, is the mind. Life's so much more FUN when you let go of the reins, wouldn't you agree? How much can a man endure? For how long? Its downright simple, really._

 _Like a house of cards._

 _All you have to do is poke and proud._

 _Give 'er a stab...and gravity does the rest._

 _For the sake of amusement, I'll even throw in a few restrictions on my part._

 _Limited powers and minions, no respawns, only a handful of miracles to my name. I die once, and they win. One and done. That's right, I'll leave and let fate play out as she sees fit, never to return. I on the other hand, am forbidden from taking a life unless deliberately asked to do so. Wait, no, that's entirely too much of a loophole. Aha, I've got it! A wish! No! Wishes! Plural! Three! Per person! No refunds or substitutes! Like that one Disney movie...oh, what was it? Blast it, damn thing's on the tip of my tongue! Ah, well. Guess I'm not allowed to say it._

 _See, the perks about being a bona fide DEITY means your favorite celebrities get to live forever in song and story._

 _Honoring the fallen aside, I think I've given them a sufficient handicap, don't you?_

 _So? Ready to get this show on the road?_

 _And I know just where to start._

 _After all..._

 _...its Not My Throne._

* * *

 _(...Moments Before the Execution of Eddard Stark...)_

* * *

Arya prayed.

She'd never been one for prayer but she did so now. The notion of deities-plural or otherwise-had always been a foreign one to her; unlike Father who was devoted to the Old Gods, she simply didn't give the matter much in the way of thought. She'd much rather practice her swordsmanship and archery than give any thought to the idea of a higher power. Much less knitting. She loathed her needlework.

Not so now.

Crouched beneath the statue of Baelor, knees bent, hands clasped together, she prayed harder than she ever had before in her young life. Knuckles white and clenched around one another, the young wolf prayed. Prayed to all the old gods and the new, to those below the sea and in the air, in the earth and beyond. She prayed to those both with faces and without. She swore be theirs forever and ever and _ever_ if they just did her this one favor. Her father was about to die, she knew it; she'd heard that twat Joffrey call for his head, saw Ser Ilyn Payne raise their ancestral sword Ice high in the air.

Now it was about to come crashing down on his head.

Gods, she didn't want this to happen!

She prayed even harder.

No, she wished.

 _Please!_

Remarkably the heavens answered.

Ice never reached her father's throat; valyrian stell never tasted blood. Instead its descent halted mere inches away, frozen just before impact. No, Arya realized, turning her gaze to behold the once-swollen crowd around her. Not just the sword. The whole world had abruptly ceased to move. To exist. To be. All the color drained away as though stolen away from a painting. At first she didn't understand. Couldn't bring herself to realize what she was looking at, nor the notion that something-rather, someone-had heard her heartfelt plea and chosen to answer.

As if offended by that very notion, a bolt of lightning burst from the clear day with a deafening peal of laughter.

"So." a voice rumbled behind her. "You must be Arya Stark."

With that, the invisible strings binding her fell away and she found herself able to move once more.

He...really didn't look that terrifying, really.

Downright normal, if one were to ignore the red horns poking out of his straw-blond hair. The poor sod had wrapped himself in what appeared to be a black-and-orange tunic of all things, and a shoddily made one at that. His sole outstanding feature proved to be his whiskered cheeks-no, it was most certainly the eyes; a pair of bright blue orbs that seemed to burn in tandem as though lit from within. Beyond that, he seemed just as human as she. Utterly ordinary in every way. Barring his sudden and inexplicably arrival and the fact that he'd literally _stopped time_ , there was nothing about him to suggest that he might be more than he appeared...

...oh, bugger.

This wasn't happening.

Not here, not now. Not at all!

"What...?"

"You made a wish." the young man tilted his head, regarding her unblinkingly. "I answered. You get three."

"Three what?"

"Wishes, obviously." he replied.

"...Who in the Seven Hells are you?" she balked.

"Naruto. Guess you could call me god." he shrugged. "Of a sort."

Arya managed a slow blink.

"As in "the" gods?"

At this, the interloper finally displayed a spark of interest.

"Not who. What. And not "the" gods." he corrected her with a wagging finger. "A god. Now, what'll it be? I can't exactly do this indefinitely...

"I...you...that's not even...

Now, to be fair, Arya was in no mood for jests or quips; nor did it occur to her that this stranger might be telling the truth. Clearly the stress must've driven her mad. Yes, that must be it. She was dreaming. Seeing things. Her father was likely even now, losing his head. Sansa might well be next. And with that ghastly thought, something hardened in the young Stark. That tiny coal of anger hardened into a pearl of defiance. The world might well have stopped for her, but it didn't matter. Cersei and Joffrey. It was all their fault. Damn them. Damn them to every hell. And damn this man for mocking her...!

Ironically, it was this very anger that saved her life.

"If you're really a god then save my family." she challenged waspishly. "Don't let my father die."

A slow smile spread across his face.

"Is that it?"

The little Stark bristled. "You can't, can you? You can't save him. No one can."

The blond arched an eyebrow.

"Is that a wish?"

"What? Yes!" She blurted, irritated. "Happy now?"

"Quite. Challenge accepted."

"Wait, what does that-

As she looked on the horned man clapped his hands and vanished before her very eyes. One moment he was there, standing upon thin air. The next, he vanished in a flicker of pale light. A heartbeat later she saw him reappear upon the execution stand. Darting nimbly around Ser Ilyn's still frozen sword, he plucked her father out of harm's way and forced him to his feet. His frozen expression never changed. Never wavered. As she looked on, he did a little spin with his cloak and her lord father vanished, seemingly swallowed whole by the garment. After another moment's thought, he approached her sister, Sansa and did the same unto her. Arya couldn't make sense of it. He just _swept_ the cloak over her sister and she ceased to be, as though she'd never been.

Gone.

Vanished.

In an instant.

Arya's heart lurched.

"Where did you take them?!" she cried.

"Somewhere safe." the horned man reassured her, his voice echoing eerily in the silence. "I'll return them to you once this is done, free of charge. But first...

"First?"

 _"I want to play a game."_

With that, Naruto waltzed toward Joffrey, blue eyes blazing. Frozen where he stood, like all the rest, the boy-king found himself powerless to resist what came next, much less react. His smug visage never reflected an ounce of terror as the blond took hold of his body and maneuvered him forward. Marching the frozen _boy-who-would-be-king-if-Arya-didn't-kill-him-first_ forward like a drunken sailor, the whiskered entity frog-walked him to the very place her father had occupied mere moments before. His booted foot shot out once, twice, three times, forcing the incestuous spawn to his knees with a final kick. Judging by the audible sounds each joint made as it gave way, Arya suspected he'd shattered them outright.

It didn't stop there.

With an effort Naruto made the youth bend his head, forcing his head down onto the block.

"A twist here, a pinch there, aaaaaaaaaand done!"

Only then did Arya realize what the self-professed deity intended. She looked on, silently stupefied at the sight, yet secretly satisfied as the blond completed his task and finished maneuvering the little fool into place. All the while Ice hung in the air like an angry Wolf, waiting to bite into flesh. Suspended in time, Ser Illyn's arms were still in the process of delivering a devastating downward stroke. Unable to correct. But now rather than hang over the neck of its master, it loomed over the head of a Lion. A surreal change of scene, Eddard Stark's head traded for that of a King.

Taking a step back, the blond-Naruto!-paused to admire his handiwork.

"Hmm, not my best trick," he mused, "But I suppose it'll do. Ah, well. Ding-dong, off with his head~!"

In a blink he vanished again, reappearing beside her on the statue with a plume of dark smoke. Arya coughed, groping for words that refused to come. Sanity eluded her. What she'd just witnessed defied all she had been taught, all the learning in her befuddled by this singular event. Naruto glanced down at her, and a disbelieving giggle fled from her lips. This was mad. Absolutely, utterly mad. More so she, for witnessing it! Some distant part of her wondered if Joffrey was truly about to meed his end under the very blade what would've taken Father's. Could it be a trick of some sort? A ploy to make her lower her guard? She mind was entirely too frazzled to properly think things through but in this moment?

"You know," Naruto sighed. "I never get tired of that."

"Tired of what?" she managed.

 _"Of this."_

Grinning, he snapped his fingers in a harsh click.

With a jarring lurch, time marched onward.

Ice descended like a falling star.

 _And all hell broke loose._

 **A/N: And the plots doth THICKEN! there you have it! We're back in business! Also, *sniff* I'm afraid I have some bad news. Game of Thrones is ENDING! That's right, they've confirmed that there are only two seasons left and they're going to shorten the amount of episodes in each. AND WE HAVE TO WAIT TILL 2019?!**

 **WHY?!**

 **Why you do this?!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **Hope you enjoy it and be sure to vote!**

 **(Preview(s))**

 _"Tywin, my boy! Pleasure to meet you! I've heard great things!"_

 **R &R! =D**


	2. Some Sin Must Be Done (Interlude)

**A/N: WARNING:**

 **As always, this is humor, not meant to be taken seriously.**

 **So.** **Endgame is out.**

 **And yet I'm still publishing this on the eve of one of the most anticipated movies of all times because why...? Guess I'm a masochist at heart. But enough about me and the ramblings of a madman! I'm here, I'm back, and we're on track! This is going to be the first of many updates I'm rolling out for all my Game of Thrones stuff-among others-because I just KNOW-feel it in my bones, that the dark times are here, and we're about to see, pardon the pun, the ENDGAME of Game of Thrones. I'm not sorry for that joke.**

 **FOR THE THRONE!**

 **Lets have some fun~!**

 **Now, ladies and gentlemen!**

 **We've got a big episode coming up and I just KNOW someone's going to die. Thoughts? Ideas? Concerns? Lets hear them! Because from what I've heard big ol' episode three is going to tear out our collective hears and stomp on them.** **So for now, you get interlude while I head out for another job interview.** **Gotta keep food on the table somehow.**

 **As ever, I own no references or quotes.**

 **Sorry if its short!**

 **Be good~!**

 _"You mistake me, sir! I'm not a God of this world._ _I do not care for honor. I do not care about peace. I'm only interested in only one thing._ _Do you know what that is?"_

 _"Don't ask him, don't ask him, do NOT ask him-_

 _"And what might that be?"_

 _"I told you not to!"_

 ** _"Chaos."_**

 _~?_

 **Some Sin Must Be Done (Interlude)**

 _Dear journal,_

 _Funny thing about deities._

 _We don't play fair. Never have. Never will._

 _Riddle me this; when facing with a serpent, do you allow it to bite you? No! Of course not! You do one of two things: either you tame the snake and sway it to your side before it can think to sink its fangs into you, or you lop off its head on the spot. What manner of fool would willingly let a viper pour their venom into them? A dead one. I've seen more than my fair share of mortals who made fools of both gods and rulers alike; brave men and women who dragged them off their gilded thrones, cast them down from their lofty perch, and slew them. I should know. I used to be in their shoes._

 _Did they play fair?_

 _Nope._

 _Did they win?_

 _YES._

 _See you now the moral of my entry here? To achieve victory, some sin must be done. Its simply the way of the world. To quote a certain man "One good deed does not wash out the bad, nor the bad good. Sometimes evil men ally themselves with good men. Sometimes good men allow evil to exist; sometimes those very vile men turn their coats and become good._

 _Why, this is almost making me nostalgic!_

 _Remind me to tell you about that time I made a wager with Shao Kahn and Raiden._ _Ah, Mortal Kombat! Good times, good times...that'll be a fine tale to recount someday._ _And why not? When you've nothing but eternity-and finding new inventive ways to end said eternity-sprawled out before you, find ways to amuse yourself. Hmm? Who won our wager, you ask? You'll just have to wonder._

 _Speaking of wondering, I think its time I got back to it._

 _One pulled thread can unravel a tapestry..._

 _...or subvert a lion._

* * *

 _(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

 _"Tywin, my boy! Pleasure to meet you! I've heard great things!"_

The shout came in the dead of night without pause or preamble, a great laugh that rattled heaven and earth alike to their very foundations. When that did not rouse Tywin Lannister from his slumber a great gale arose in its place within the Lannister tent, hurling the old lion from his bed and casting him out of his dreams like the hand of an angry god. Looking back, it was an adequate comparison.

To his credit, Tywin barely batted an eyelash.

A low, irritated growl was the sole admittance of his anger. Nothing more.

He was no stranger to assassins; that the killing blow had not come could only mean this intruder wanted something more. That said attack had come at midnight after he'd received a raven from King's Landing meant his would-be-killer likely had a message of their own to deliver. His keen mind pounced on the realization, the fires of anger cooling to a glacial reserve. With nary an effort, he braced both hands against the dirt and levered himself upright, heedless of the chaos raging around him.

"If you wanted an audience with me, you needn't go to such lengths."

"I could." Low laughter greeted him in the dark. "But that wouldn't be any fun~!"

If he'd had a dagger handy, he would've flung it at them, if only to silence that infernal cackle.

Word had reached him days ago; someone had swept Ned Stark-still by all accounts an attainted traitor thanks to that forced confession-and his family from King's Landing and lopped off Joffrey's head. Not a terribly large loss that, given how unruly the boy could be; his brother and sister would prove far more malleable than that petulant cub ever would. If anything, they'd done him a favor in that regard. The North would be dealt with, in time

Thus, when he was brought face to face with said intruder he found himself inclined toward cold curiosity rather than arrogant anger.

"Enough skulking about." Bracing both hands behind his back, the old lion dared to face the darkness. "Where are you and what do you want?" The answer came most swiftly; for in that moment the shadows parted and he found himself gazing upon...

"Frankly?" came the curiously reply. "I'd like an adviser. You fit the bill. Consider this my recruitment pitch...such as it is. Don't shout. Your guards won't hear you unless I allow it."

 _...a man?_

Tywin had expected fire and fury, a blade to his throat. Threats at the very least. Not a simple wanderer clad in flowing azure and scarlet robes. Least of all the horns jutting out of that wild golden mess he called hair. Was it part of a helmet of some sort? That whiskered visage dimpled in a small smile as he approached.

"If its a name you're after, then Naruto will do. As to why I'm here...

The stranger only smiled as he began to circle him.

"To be blunt? I like you. Not like that of course," a clawed hand alighted upon the lord's shoulder before flitting away in the next moment. "I'm talking about your mind, Tywin."

"My mind?" truly his expression must've been telling, because the horned one only laughed.

"Yes!" his eyes flashed with exultant glee. "Your wit, your cunning, even your cruelty toward your enemies...its inspired. You don't allow emotion to sway you in the least. Me?" those deadly digits twitched, curling themselves into a crimson fist. "I surround myself with emotion. I'm all about emotion. I _am_ emotion. Not you." those fierce, burning eyes finally found Tywin then, rooting the old lion where he stood. "You're cold. Calculating. Every action taken against your enemies is measured and assessed for hours beforehand. You let nothing sway you, nothing beyond cold, hard logic. Yet you squander your potential! You could be so much...more than you are now."

Amusing. "And what would I gain from this?"

Blue eyes gleamed. "Your heart's desire."

...nonsense."

With that the faint candle of interest he'd held in the intruder guttered out. Myth and mysticism meant nothing to him. Anyone who prattled on about "wishes" and "heart's desire" was a milksop, not to be trusted. For all his silver tongue, he was just a man, and men died as readily as any other. Despite the intruder's earlier prophecy, he raised his voice all the same.

"I have neither the time nor patience for a fool who speaks of wishes. Guards!"

Naruto chuckled. "As you wish, then."

THUMP.

A harsh sound echoed in the tet and when he turned, he found the blond standing over a pair of mangled Lannister guards. Rather, they had been guards. Now they were decidedly dead. Somehow, he'd managed to avoid garnering a single drop of blood on his garments, as well as the growing puddle of blood underfoot. Tywin spared them no more concern than he would the passing of a peasant. Slightly less so when he realized they hadn't so much as scratched the intruder.

"Impressive." he conceded after a moment's pause. "How did you do it?"

The blond laughed and stepped over their crimson cadavers.

"Didn't." came the happy chirrup. "A friend of mine did. Lucky for you, Serenity's a shy girl."

"More riddles. I have no need for some wish-granting fool." he scoffed. "Take your tricks and begone-

When next he turned, he found that very "fool" standing before him. Two fingers flicked his forehead, forcing him back half a step.

"A wish-granting fool, am I? You wound me! I did set SOME rules for myself you know." the self-proclaimed deity hummed. "I won't make people fall in love for instance. Time-travel is a strict no-no. Killing someone costs two wishes and no, I won't annihilate armies for you. Finally, I don't particularly like raising the dead, but I'll do it. Speaking of which," blue eyes narrowed, "Don't believe me?" his voice rose in challenge at an arched eyebrow. "How'd you like your wife back? Free of charge. If you're REALLY nice, I might even be inclined to do it properly and not breathe life into a rotting corpse. How would you like to see her? Speak to her? Hold her in your arms?"

Words like poisoned honey struck at the hardened wall of the old lion's resolve, but he refused to be swayed.

The dead, brought back to life again?

There could only be one word.

One reply for nonsense.

"Preposterous."

For a moment, he thought he saw something lurking behind those sapphire orbs, something other than the whimsical jester he claimed to be. Discontent by what he'd glimpsed, Tywin tried to turn away. Tried to reach for the dagger he kept under his pillow, to arm himself in the face of his foe. His legs betrayed him, rooting him where he stood. Too late, he realized his peril. Naruto glided past him not a heartbeat later, plucking at the very weapon he'd reached for. A smooth flick of a wrist lodged it to the hilt in the Lannister's right knee.

"Hmm. Not an arrow, but it'll do."

 _"Aaaargh!"_

"I don't think you understand what you're being offered!" his voice rose over the lord's pained shouts as he crumbled to the floor, "Would you rather serve in heaven or rule in hell? Would you see your house fall to ruin, or rise to eternal glory? Would you choose death, or life? That's your choice, Tywin!"

In that moment, the aging lion experienced an earth-shattering revelation. He'd been mistaken. This wasn't some fool playing at being a god; on the contrary, this was For better or worse, this being had taken an interest in him; he was a fly caught in a spider's web. He would not-could not-escape from this. He could cling to his stubborn pride and be devoured...or submit and live. Give himself over to...whatever this creature was, and try, in time, to wriggle out from under him. Not much of a choice there. Even now he felt as though the very life were being squeezed from his chest.

"Now then," his captor grinned down at him intently, _**"Choose."**_

For better or worse, Tywin Lannister made his choice.

It would plunge Westeros into madness.

But that's a tale for another day.

 _Isn't it?_

 **A/N: There we are.**

 **Hope this tides you over.**

 **Until Death comes this Sunday.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **Hope you enjoy it and be sure to vote!**

 **(Preview(s))**

 _"Really, you should be thanking me. Once the Night King comes this way...well..._

 _Red eyes bleakly glittered in the dark._

 _"You're gonna have a bad time."_

 **R &R! =D**


	3. Be With Me

**A/N: ...for Drogon.**

 **For that thrice blasted bloody ending.**

 **For the Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.**

 **As always, this is humor, not meant to be taken seriously.**

 **Hmm. I suppose this chapter actually could be, in a strange sense.**

 **No terribly long author's note this time, and you can thank the ending of GOT for that. This chapter wasn't as long as I would've liked, but needs must, I suppose. I've been absolutely BOMBARDED for updates since Sunday and that ending. I'll say it plain, some of it was good, other bits were...not so much. But I'm sure you know that already, dear reader. Now then, I've kept you long enough, so off we go!**

 **Sorry if its short~!**

 _"First came the wolf._

 _Soon followed the scowling lion._

 _...and now we meet the last true dragons."_

 _~?_

 **Be With Me**

 _Dear journal,_

 _Well. I know what I'm going to do now._

 _Hmm? Do I regret it, you ask? Maybe. I should. Time isn't something you meddle with lightly, even as an elder god. Someone once said that time is like a rubber band; when you stretch it too far, it tends to snap back at you. HARD. But_ _what's the point in being a god if you can't fix things? With great power comes great responsibility...and great chaos. Is that not our duty, then? To cause chaos? And in doing so, make the world a better place? For the many. For the few. For all. Perhaps that's a bit narcissistic on my part._

 _A tweak here, a pinch of spice there..._

 _...and the world changes..._

 _...and a girl smiles._

* * *

 _(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

 _She must be going mad._

Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, and the Last Targaryen-as far as she herself knew-feared she'd already lost her mind. Stumbling through the desert with no food or water tended to drive one out of their skull in short order, and she suspected she'd been treading dangerously close to that line for the better part of three days now. But what choice did she have? If she stopped, she would die. Her newborn dragons-not even a week old-would die. Jorah would die. Her _khalasar_ , those precious people who had chosen to follow her even after Drogo's death, would die.

And it would be all her fault.

They were all looking to her for leadership, and she didn't know what to do. The weight of their lives, their futures, their _everything_ was slowly crushing her with each passing moment, as sure as the sun searing her poor back. Beyond moving forward, there was nothing. She had promised all of them that their enemies would die screaming. How did you make starvation scream? No, she could only walk on in the hopes of finding something resembling civilization...until quite suddenly she could no longer mover her feet.

Or her face.

Or her hands.

Or much of anything, really.

 _"Oh, you poor Khaleesi."_ a soft, soothing voice trickled through her ears like wind against grass. _"What have they done to you?"_

Dany's eyes fluttered shut and open in a brief and baffled blink as she tried to understand what had happened to her. What _was_ happening even now. They only closed for the merest of moment, the smallest of seconds. A sliver in time. Nothing more. Yet when she opened them she found the heat was gone, her throat was still dry, and her world had irrevocably changed.

In place of the scorching desert a gentle sea breeze caressed her face. She found herself no longer standing but instead herself sprawled on a simple, red-feather pillow beneath the crimson canopy of an equally scarlet tent. Though the crude Dothraki leathers she wore remained yet warm from the sun's kiss, she found that the rest of her was almost...cool by comparison. Rather than the searing sands at her feet, she found only cool grass tickling her toes. That only baffled her yet further, there should be no such surface here.

Her dragons trilled questioningly in her lap, but did not panic, and thus neither did she.

Warily, the Mother of Dragons rose, gathered her children in her arms, and moved toward the exit.

 _And her world changed again._

When she parted the tent flap she found the tent gone and the grass with it; in its place cool dark stone caressed her feet and high stone rose walls around her. Dark dragons carved of that same silent stone roared at her, large and frozen and fierce, yet terrifying all the same. Still she walked in these silent halls resembling dragon scale, not knowing where she was going, only that she must keep walking. Some small part of her wondered if she should know this place, these great wyrms glaring at her from stone, yet she felt nothing, only quiet confusion.

Eventually, hear feet carried her to a door, one that parted easily at her touch.

A sprawling chamber awaited her beyond, a totalitarian space, yet one that felt safe all the same. She glimpse a great throne at the end and someone perched upon it. Drogon squawked suddenly and fluttered out of her arms; when Daenerys reached for him she inadvertently looked down at her feet. As she did she found the symbol of her house waiting for her there; that great three-headed dragon, yet older carved long ago by those of her ancestors. Her heart leaped into her throat as she watched him roost upon one of those heads. Moments later, his brothers joined him on the remaining two heads.

She knew this place, though she'd never laid eye on it until this very moment.

"Welcome to Dragonstone." a familiar voice echoed off the chamber walls. "Hope its to your liking."

Reclining before her on a great scaled throne, her host awaited.

He wore no finery; or at least, none she could visibly see. Only a plain brown robe draped over his body, leaving his feet bare. Complacent blue orbs gazed back at her within a lean whiskered face, framed by rough blond hair and laugh lines lingering near those eerie eyes. And there, jutting from that flaxen mess...horns? Crimson and slender and carved in the color of blood, they seemed to shimmer in the pale light, warping and twisting hideously the longer she looked at them, almost as if they were larger than they looked, merely the face of some great creature, of a monster-

"Try not to stare overlong," he hummed. "They tend to drive people mad."

In a single motion he rose from the throne and swept down the steps to greet her.

"I apologize for the interruption." he beamed as he descended, exposing pearly white teeth in the fading light. "I didn't like the idea of just snatching you out of the desert like that, but I had to do it. Don't worry, I'll put you right back, if that's what you want." Only then did she realize with a start that his _was_ the voice that had whispered to her only moments ago. "But first, lets talk, shall we?"

"Where am I?" she jolted up with a start, flailing for answers. "Where's Jorah?"

"I'm not interested in Jorah." a clawed hand flicked and Viserion chose that moment to hop onto it, much to her chagrin. "No, I'm interested in _you."_ those blazing eyes turned from her smallest child and found hers with a cold and stark clarity. "His destiny is tied to yours; if your fate changes, so will his. If it stays the same, so will his. Pity about that. He's a good man. A bit flawed, but who isn't these days?"

Her first instinct was to snap at him for the implied threat; it was only her self-preservation, and her child perch on him, that prevented her.

"And you are...?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, at your service." his smile was entirely too toothy for her liking as he bowed and returned a chirruping Viserion to her arms. "Wandering deity, interdimensional travel, part-time devil, occasional granter of wishes...and other things. Its so nice to finally meet you...no, wait." he paused, and tilted his head considering her. "I tell a lie. We've met before...in other tales."

Daenerys grit her teeth. She mustn't show fear. Whatever else, she refused to show fear. Fear was death. It was fine to feel it, but one must not show it to others, lest they take advantage. She'd learn that much from her time among the Dothraki. If this stranger though her weak...no. She refused to think of it.

"No, no, don't ask me," yet his hand waved, dismissing the question that sprang to her lips before she could give it proper voice. "You wouldn't know them. I'm inclined to let those stories play out without intervention on my part. You see, for _me_ this is our first meeting. Lets focus on the here and now, shall we? You must be thirsty and I'm sure Drogon, at least, is hungry."

Daenerys bristled, but the effect was lost on him. "How did you know his name?"

Naruto deflated and for a moment, that youthful smile turned unbearably ancient. "Do you really want me to answer that? Think carefully now. You might not like the answer."

The Mother of Dragons hesitated, but defiance reared its ugly head and pride flared to life within her. Enough. She'd grown tired of being batted around like a mouse in a cat's grasp; if he meant to kill her or poison her with mere meat then he should just get it over with already. She long for an escape from this fever dream, this madness that consumed her. She wanted to wake already, to be rid of it. And in thinking it a dream...well, now. That was where she erred.

A muscle jumped in her jaw. "Yes, I do."

Blue eyes hardened into chips of ice. "Have it your way, then. BOYS!"

All at once roof erupted overhead with a ponderous squeal and let the light in, layer upon layer of rock peeling back as though a pair of giant hands had simply plucked the roof off a toy house. Her children cried out in fear and curled up at her feet, causing her to move to shield them with her body, yet no stone struck them. A heart-stopping roar rattled their mother's very bones as the sky above turned black as pitch.

No, Daenerys realized with mounting horror. It hadn't turned black- _something had blotted out the sun._

In the next instant she herself face to face with three fully grown dragons.

There could be no other word for this great towering winged creature, nor their great winged bulk soaring through the clouds. In moments the first was upon them, banking hard to land on the newly created ledge formed by the glaring absence of the chamber's roof. Its white-gold hide was almost painfully familiar. Though its body bore a great many wounds-one could see where careful bandages had been applied to a recently healed neck and a torn wing-it dropped to land before her with graceful splendor.

As she looked on in abject awe it thundered down from heaven to alight beside the Horned One with a mighty crash, rattling the hardened floor underfoot. Its great neck bent low as the blond gave its jaw a happy scratch, those blazing slitted eyes closing in content bliss. A contented trill fled from its toothy maw as it gazed back at her. Its great body shifted and undulate in what one might call...happiness? Indeed, it almost seemed to know her somehow, impossible as that might seem, as if-

"Wait for it." Naruto murmured suddenly, earning her instant ire.

"Wait for what?" she snapped.

"Why, the other two, of course." he hummed, unflinching as another crashed down behind her.

In contrast to its sibling the second one was smaller, but no less fierce. It landed beside its brother with a mighty tremor and howled at her with all the fury of a wounded animal; bringing its toothy maw mere inches from her face. Rank breath flooded out and the young khaleesi reeled, turning her face away, even going so far as to dip her head just to avoid the smell. Still those jaws loomed wide, ready to crunch down on her an instant, to mangle his marrow and butcher bones in a single bite-

"Stay!" Naruto's voice boomed just as a third slammed down beside it to delivered a sharp nip on its neck. The smaller dragon retreated, squealing.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" she only distantly heard her host, "Gorgeous beasts."

It was this third that broke Daenerys by far.

Far larger than either of its siblings put together, it _was_ a a magnificent beast. Dwarfing everyone and everything it nevertheless seemed to recognize her somehow; to know her, this great black behemoth with red fringe and crimson wings, its massive head tilted to regard her as one might an old friend. As if he were welcoming her home. No. That was impossible. Unbidden her gaze strayed to the tiny creature in her palm, then back to this beast. Her hand rose, trembling, to alight upon its scaled muzzle in mute awe. A happy trill greeted her as those warm scales rubbed against her hand.

...Drogon?" she breathed the words out, her eyes wide and round with wonder. "Is that you?"

Both the tiny hatchling in her arms and the towering titan before her tilted their heads.

"The one and only." her host purred. "Your boys get _biiiiiiig."_

Her gaze snapped to him. "This is impossible."

At some unseen command this new Black Dread raised its head and roared, a great joyous sound of triumph and elation. Then he back-winged, nearly ripping the Mother of Dragons from her feet with a great gust of wind as he took to the air with a delighted cry.

"God, remember? These three were taken from...well." his lips quirked softly as he took his hand from the heads of-were those Rhaegal and Viserion, then?!-the remaining dragons and ceased scratching their scales to allow them to join their brother in the air, "Lets just a say a world best off without them. Their Mother suffer some...misfortune some time ago. Quite unfortunate, really. By the time I learned of her fate...well. It was already too late. Both her reputation and her body were beyond repair. But enough about that. I told you I would provide food, didn't I. Here."

With a snap of his fingers a table appeared before her, bearing a small tray of seared meat and a pitch of water. Still she wavered, hesitating as he returned to the throne.

A blond brow rose.

"If I meant to poison you I wouldn't go to all this trouble. C'mon now. Have at it."

Her children knew no such hesitation and fell too with reckless abandon even as their larger counterparts winged overhead.

Reluctantly she did as she was bade. "Why have you brought me here, stranger? I'm afraid I don't understand."

Naruto leaned forward in the throne, and something in his smile made her jerk back.

"I," the horned man began, smacking his lips, "Am a sucker for happy endings. Almost ridiculously so." those dangerous digits snapped again and the world shifted around them like sand. "My heart _leaps_ when I see the villain stabbed through the heart. My soul _sings_ when the hero saves the day. My blood _boils_ when the triumphant get what they so richly deserve, what is so rightfully theirs. Tell me, which of those are you, Daenerys Stormborn? Hero? Villain? Something in between? Well? Tell me, Dany."

The name made her flinch, but she rallied in spite of it.

"I cannot claim to be a villain, nor a hero." she began slowly, choosing her words with great care as she soothed her parched throat. "I...just am."

"Well said!" the veracity of his laugh nearly made her jump. "Here I was going to talk to you before I sent you back but now...

"Now?"

Impossibly, his grin grew."

"I'm going to give you three choices. You can have your red door, and the childhood you never had. I'll erase your memories, turn you back into a child, and drop you off in an alternate universe where your family was never deposed and your brother never born. Your friends and family in _this_ timeline will each live a long, prosperous life. Everyone wins, everyone lives, everyone's happy. Perhaps that's naive of me. Or,"

And here the world did cease its shift and she found herself face to face with a familiar tent among a great grass sea.

"You can go back and have your love. Khalasar and all." his smile didn't waver when she glared at him. "What? Don't give me that look. You'll never meet that meddlesome witch and will give birth to the "Great Stallion" who mounts the world. Who knows? Your dragons might even be born. And now we come to option three!"

His hands collided in a sharp _pop_ of sound and the world, as well as its dragons, roiled around them once more.

When next it cleared she found herself someplace else entirely.

Gone was Dragonstone, gone was the home of her ancestors and the future of her children. In its place lay something she had never seen before, yet always longed for. A great black-and-grey edifice of iron and steel, a chair unlike any other, one countless men and women had died for over the ages. And yet somehow, someway, she knew it all the same.

The Iron Throne.

"This is a trick." she croaked.

"My dear, I do not deal in riddles. Only truth."

"Oh, its quite real." he reassured her. "Go ahead. Touch it."

Her hand graced one of the round pommels at the edge, fingers caressing the strangely sharp steel there.

"But you can only have one destiny." the warning rose in her ears as she sobbed softly, sharper than any blade. "If you choose the words carefully enough and use your smarts, you might even be able to make two of these choices yours in any one lifetime. But it can never be all three. I'm good, but I'm not that good."

Violet eyes narrowed in quiet despair. "How...how can I choose any of this?"

The look he gave her bordered on outright pity. "You must."

 _And in the end, she did._

 **A/N: *sighs***

 **There, now I can get the bad taste of Season Eight's ending out of my mouth. We may have lost *redacted* and *redacted* not to mention *redacted* became king but at least they'll live on in myth and story. And fanfiction. Lots and lots of fanfiction. Or perhaps the books. Who knows? In any case, I'm off to work, got another double header/back to back shift. Ah, the joys of two jobs. But the money's well worth it.**

 **Still can't believe they made *redacted* king. Seriously? Guess the leaks were true.**

 **But I'll talk to you guys and gals later tonight.**

 **So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the preview!**

 **Be goooooooood~!**

 **(Preview(s))**

 _"Wake up, Robert. Someone wasted a wish on you."_

 _A hand snapped down and seized the corpse by the throat._

 _And with a rush of life and flesh and blood, the Storm King lived again._

* * *

 _And the corpse_

 _"Can you talk?"_

 _The Night King stared._

 _"Strong silent type, eh? I get that."_

 _As he looked on the young man before him sad and folded his legs. Despite the sword jutting from his chest-a fatal blow-his expression never once wavered as he lifted the bottle of Dornish wine to his lips and drank. If anything he seemed faintly amused by the army of the dead surrounding him. Perhaps simply didn't care. Perhaps he was dying even know. Unlikely. He knew death, and that was not the look of a dead man. How could survive a sword through the heart? It was almost...fascinating._

 _Crimson eyes blazed up at him, red as blood._

 _"Lets make a deal, you and I."_

 _And the Night King smiled._

 **R &R! =D**


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